Ah, the 20’s. It can be torment and toil, exciting and enriching. There’s so many decisions to make by the time you’re 25 that it can be overwhelming, and for many, downright depressing. At 23, I had finished two years of Bible College, worked for a couple years, and still wanted more post-secondary. I was beside myself as to what ‘it’ was I was supposed to do. I knew I wanted to be creative and make an impact. I had applied for film school in LA, university in Nova Scotia, and finally ended up going to college in Lethbridge. At the time, I was either moving out of the country, across the country, or not at all. Well, 3 hours south called my name.
I recall feeling distraught as I tried to decide what was right. What was I supposed to do with my life? Finally, I decided, and went for it.
Would the other paths have been fine? Probably. Business school or an experience in LA may have been fun and brought experiences to write about as well. But at the end of the day, I was so caught up in my purpose, my dreams, what I was supposed to do, that I was consumed with the process.
Lord, I want to DO something for You! Make you proud. Live my purpose. Save sex for marriage. Get an education. Get a secure job. Buy a house. Do all the things I’m supposed to at ‘xx’ age.
The sparking faulty wire with that thinking is that it makes life, well, all about me. I spent more time trying to figure out what my purpose was and how I could please the Lord, than getting to know the One who had made me in the first place. And getting on that train leaves absolutely no room for God’s creativity and love to move in me. We can get so busy trying to DO for Him, that we completely miss, Him.
I recently read a book by Matt Chandler, Explicit Gospel. It rocked, and IS rocking my world. You should read it! In it he talks about the prophet Isaiah and how God called him to preach to the people of Judah (a portion of Israel, now known as modern day Bethlehem). In Isaiah 6, God calls to Isaiah. He reveals Himself and the prophet is changed. When God calls, Isaiah says, “Lord, here am I, send me!” (vs8). The only thing is, the people that God was sending him to, would never actually turn from their ways. They’d never actually see the truth. And Isaiah knew all of those truths from the beginning. Only a small remnant, a ‘stump’ (vs13) would remain a holy seed that would someday grow again.
As Matt Chandler explains it, Isaiah wasn’t called to be fruitful, but simply to be faithful. “The priority God charges him with is not success, but integrity.” (Explicit Gospel, Matt Chandler).
And so I wrestle with that. As a woman who has lived most of her life wanting to DO, in this season God is calling me to BE. Be His. Be known. Be loved. Be faithful.
And leave the results to Him.
I like results. Stat. Clean. In 30 minutes. With a plan for what’s next ;)
As we ponder decisions and weigh them… Is this my calling? Is this what You want me to do Lord? I wrestle with you. In the desiring to please the Lord, yet know that ultimately, the results are up to Him.
The really cool thing about Isaiah’s story — his book is full of fear not’s, rest in Him, God will redeem, and He has called you by name. His book is full of hope and promise. And the people of Judah would one day know a Messiah, a Saviour, in their very own land.
God has a way of redeeming. Revealing Himself, if we will ask and wait. We just need to trust the timing and the way He does it, up to Him.